polerin: My shadow on a wall (Shadow portrait)
Tangent from Renee's excellent post.

I can't stand when people badmouth Tracy's appearance or singing. She is literally THE guiding voice of my life, and I grew up wishing I could be as intelligent, thoughtful, caring, and beautiful as she is. I've found myself and no longer wish to be her, but my admiration has only increased.

When I fell asleep, I fell asleep singing "Behind the Wall", promising myself I'd never treat the person I loved like that.

When I dreamed of my future, I considered "Mountains O'Things" and knew that the pressure and the need that it spoke of was fundamental to our world.

When I helped my dad teach TKD to kids who wouldn't have a chance to learn otherwise, I remembered "Bang Bang Bang" and I feared that I'd learn one day that one of our students had been lost to violence.

When I first turned to politics Tracy asked, "Why?"

When I buried my face in my pillow so my parents wouldn't hear my crying, "She's Got Her Ticket" told me of a girl who went her own way.

When I tried to understand the self-enforced segregation of my school, I heard "Across the Lines" and looked inwards.

When I heard about Seattle, learned about globalization and started to put pieces of the puzzle together the words of "Talking about a revolution" brought me strength and focused me.

When I realized my parents didn't really like who I was going out with, "For my lover" was my theme song.

When I despaired because of America's reaction to September 11th, "New Beginning" gave me hope that we would get another chance together.

When we got married, Lissa came to meet me to "The Promise".

When Lissa came to me with tears running down her cheeks and told me she just couldn't take my transition, I cried with her, and with "Baby Can I Hold You".

When she came back to me with tears in her eyes again, told me she was going to stay I knew "Heaven's here on Earth".

When I read about Caylee Dymond I remembered "Across the Lines", and tried not to cry.

When I wake up in the morning, the spirit of her words walks beside me, guiding me towards hope, understanding, and love... asking me to realize the humanity and worth of each person I interact with in the day.

When you add the fact that many people make comments that are transphobic or heavily reliant on racist and sexist ideas of "what a woman should look like/sound/act"..... Lets just say I just don't read youtube comments about her.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
So, Had the easiest "help friend move" experience ever, cuz [livejournal.com profile] wolfgrrl was awesome, doesn't have much stuff and was all packed already. We then came home, cleaned up the bedroom massively, got several loads of laundry done and folded, and received our new bed (which is awesomeness). At this point, tired from a long day and seduced by our comfortable new bed, we laid down and went to slee.. WAIT! No! We can't go to sleep!

We get up, get dressed, and go to rock the fuck out to the Aeronauts at Springwater (swampwater.. blah. not my favourite venue). They rocked the socks off of my feet, then kindly put them back on and tied my shoes while they were at it. Which is good because after they finished their set, the epic fail of not-burlesque drove us screaming from the bar.

Arriving home at 2:30am, we collapsed into tender mercies of our new soft, comfortable, solid mattress. Which, unlike our previous one does not have a sink-hole in the centre of it. We didn't wake up until 11:30 or so. It was good, oh so good.

When we did wake, however, we folded another more clothes, did a load of dishes, and Lissa did a bunch of work for a client. After she finished up, we headed over to the clamshack and just relaxed the rest of the day with the awesomeness that is the group over there.

All in all.. good weekend ;)
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
It's amazing how all the things I really want to talk about never really make it to this journal because they are larger and take awhile for me to form into coherent thoughts. Take for example the NHPP. About a month ago I sent an email in to volunteer, and hadn't heard back from them. Two weeks later I ran into John Zirker at the first church service I had attended in roughly 12 years at Hobson United Methodist. As an aside, Hobson is an awesome church, if I were Christian, that's where I'd go.

So, long story short, I attended up at the homeless memorial service last Saturday, and met with Garret from NHPP today. They are wrapping stuff up for the year, and so there wasn't much that I could do today or immediately, but at the start of the new year I'll be getting back in touch with them. It's something I really am looking forward to starting, even though I have a hard time articulating why in a brief manner.

Looking back over the preceding paragraphs, I notice that they are totally devoid of anything that actually attempts to explain the feelings that all of these things stirred in me. I didn't mention the joy I felt at Hobson's message of radical inclusiveness, nor the tears I had to bite back as I watched the flowers float downstream. There is nothing of the reasons why I chose to help NHPP, nothing of the re-centering of my faith in the possibility of a brighter future, if we keep walking towards it. Nothing of my sorrow that our society and myself fail so miserably at times. Even beyond that, I left out Lissa's concerts (awesomesauce with glowstick winnage) and the rest of the gazillion things that have gone on.

Life has been interesting, that's for sure.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
Ok, so I had a really good day with photography today. I was sorta doubtful that I'd be able to get anything done in the hour left of daylight I had, and then stumbled on this absolutely intriguing spot. Abandoned industrial building right next to a bridge, under which someone obviously had made a campsite. A bed covered by a tarp, a makeshift grill from a metal drum, and political graffiti all over the place. I've only had a chance to get a few of these ready and up on the net, but they are good enough I want to actually show them here.

Photos behind the cut )

We had a really productive weekend this week... Finally got off my butt and installed the faucet that friends gave us forever ago (and oh wow it rocks dem. <3 and thank you so much), installed a new garbage disposal when we had been without one and the right hand sink in the kitchen for 6 months, fixed a gutter, put up some lights, cleaned up the house, and did all kinds of other stuff. All around good weekend.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
Right, instead of the actual meaningful and more thought provoking posts I've been wanting to write, I have a list. Yay me.

What have I done? ... not enough )

swiped from [livejournal.com profile] vodou_chile 
Also, we just found out our 9 year old nephew has two half brothers, 5 and 6 years old.  ... wow.

William

Sep. 27th, 2008 10:00 am
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
I met someone today. His name is William, and as he shook my hand he apologized for the beer he was drinking, and assured me that someone had brought it for him. Even though I gave him my name and told him he didn't have to call me ma'am, it was every third word for the first part of our conversation. I sat down next to him in the shade of a restaurant neither of us could afford and told him I was interested in his story.

My story? Oh my story would break your heart ma'am. 1982, My parents and my sisters and I were in our van driving to a family reunion, when a semi truck.. a big rig without any insurance crossed the line. Hit us head on. The front of the van was smashed into the back. They pulled me out with the jaws of life, the fire department.

My whole family was killed. My whole beautiful family was killed. And I don't want to sound like I... I'm not looking for a shoulder to cry on, but so many people it's like they don't care. And it's hard, because I've nobody to talk to, to hold at night, to kiss. I don't have nobody to listen to this, and I just want someone to know my story, know why I'm out here. I don't even have my family, they're all dead.

I mean.. my whole family was killed and I didn't even know till 14 days later when I woke up in a coma. You can see what it did to me [he points to his face] but I lived. I woke up from the coma and they were dead and I can't even remember it.

How old were you?

I was 18.

Just old enough to not get any help?

Yeah, well no. no. The staff psychiatrist who came in, he talked with me. He helped, listed while I was there. He helped me allot for all time I was in there. I was there for awhile.

How did you pay for this? I mean it couldn't have been free. Did they write it off, did you have to pay somehow?

No, no, some social workers helped me. I got social security immediately. And they talked with me too, helped me. Social security payed for it, all of my 10 months in the hospital and the help. They helped a lot like that. Real professional.

My sister was real professional. She was going to school to be a doctor. Very professional.. I don't hate the guy driving the truck. My God is a loving god you know? He says not to hate. It's not cool to hate, and I don't hate that guy. He says it's OK to dislike though, and I dislike him very much. I've had a hard life, such hard times you don't even know. But nobody does.

You know what I miss? I miss my granny... she used to call me "billy boy" ever since I was a kid. She was great, I miss her.. she died from liver problems from drinking too much. She was my girl though... I loved her.


We talked for another few minutes, then I shook his hand and wished him well. I walked away from William trying not to cry. Lissa and I happened to drive by that restaurant about an hour later, and he was gone. I didn't have a tape recorder, so all I can give you is my memory of his words. I don't know how much of this is colored by my experience and how I listen, but I just want someone to know his story, why he is out there.

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polerin

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