second catch up post
Sep. 15th, 2005 12:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polerinIf you haven't read the first post I recommend doing so because this one will make more sense.
I went through that entire morning blissfully happy. I went to the consultation visit I had set up with the laser hair removal specialist and back with no incidents, and only vaguely happy thoughts really running through my head. This lasted for several hours until I called my dad to check and see if the plans for a family dinner were still on. While I had come out to both of my parents and my sister almost a year ago, they were not aware that I had gone on hormones, or was even close to doing so. I planned on telling them that night, but because my dad had something else come up the dinner was off.
Long story short I made a mistake and ended up having to tell him and my mother over the phone that I had started taking hormones the day before, which was NOT my plan. Dinner was put on hold indefinitely, and my dad called me the next day and told me that he didn't want to see me any more and that he might be able to talk to me on phone or on the computer.
To say this hurts is an understatement. I've always liked my mom, and I was with her more than my dad during my early years, but my dad really had the formative role in major parts of my psyche, including those about responsibility and caring and duty to your family, understanding and cherishing of differences in others, and many other liberal concepts. Not only did he hurt me by turning his back on me, he doubled that pain by making a lie out of everything he had taught me over the years.
I understand that this is a painful thing to him. According to him I can't imagine what is going through his head. Well he's WRONG. It's going through mine too. He was my idol for so long, there are so many things about him that I loved and cherished and did my BEST to exemplify in my own life, and which he told me he was proud of me for. And now he has turned all of that to ashes in my mouth because I'm not who he thought he was raising. Every thing I have striven for, to eliminate prejudice and hatred from my heart, to love everyone around me to the fullest extent I can, everything I live for still, he made as NOTHING.
He may have lost his son, I lost my father, and found he may never have truly been.
How does this hurt me less then him?
Anyway, this has degenerated into a rant.
Hormones wise, my chest became sore on the 3rd day. I didn't think anything of it that day, but it has remained sore since then, which leads me to believe that my body is already reacting to the hormones. I don't know if this is truly the case as most people say it took theirs 2-4 weeks to start getting sore, but as with everything hormone related, YMMV. Lissa took some baseline measurements on monday, but we took some more tonight (err... Wednesday night....) and it looked like I had gained a half inch. I'm betting this is because I'm gaining weight in general to swivel chair spread, and through variance in measurement types. There is NO way that I truly gained a half inch in chest this quickly.
I'm going to go roller blading when I wake up... I need to start getting some kind of exercise... this office job is great, but my general physical health is suffering from it.
I went through that entire morning blissfully happy. I went to the consultation visit I had set up with the laser hair removal specialist and back with no incidents, and only vaguely happy thoughts really running through my head. This lasted for several hours until I called my dad to check and see if the plans for a family dinner were still on. While I had come out to both of my parents and my sister almost a year ago, they were not aware that I had gone on hormones, or was even close to doing so. I planned on telling them that night, but because my dad had something else come up the dinner was off.
Long story short I made a mistake and ended up having to tell him and my mother over the phone that I had started taking hormones the day before, which was NOT my plan. Dinner was put on hold indefinitely, and my dad called me the next day and told me that he didn't want to see me any more and that he might be able to talk to me on phone or on the computer.
To say this hurts is an understatement. I've always liked my mom, and I was with her more than my dad during my early years, but my dad really had the formative role in major parts of my psyche, including those about responsibility and caring and duty to your family, understanding and cherishing of differences in others, and many other liberal concepts. Not only did he hurt me by turning his back on me, he doubled that pain by making a lie out of everything he had taught me over the years.
I understand that this is a painful thing to him. According to him I can't imagine what is going through his head. Well he's WRONG. It's going through mine too. He was my idol for so long, there are so many things about him that I loved and cherished and did my BEST to exemplify in my own life, and which he told me he was proud of me for. And now he has turned all of that to ashes in my mouth because I'm not who he thought he was raising. Every thing I have striven for, to eliminate prejudice and hatred from my heart, to love everyone around me to the fullest extent I can, everything I live for still, he made as NOTHING.
He may have lost his son, I lost my father, and found he may never have truly been.
How does this hurt me less then him?
Anyway, this has degenerated into a rant.
Hormones wise, my chest became sore on the 3rd day. I didn't think anything of it that day, but it has remained sore since then, which leads me to believe that my body is already reacting to the hormones. I don't know if this is truly the case as most people say it took theirs 2-4 weeks to start getting sore, but as with everything hormone related, YMMV. Lissa took some baseline measurements on monday, but we took some more tonight (err... Wednesday night....) and it looked like I had gained a half inch. I'm betting this is because I'm gaining weight in general to swivel chair spread, and through variance in measurement types. There is NO way that I truly gained a half inch in chest this quickly.
I'm going to go roller blading when I wake up... I need to start getting some kind of exercise... this office job is great, but my general physical health is suffering from it.
