Huge first post
Sep. 14th, 2005 01:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
polerinI should have started this blog months ago, or at least a couple days ago. Either would have worked. I've tried to keep a traditional journal in the past, and have failed miserably because it always seemed to me to be a exercise in literary masturbation that exceeds even most poetry. Please note, I actually LIKE good poetry so save your flames and angry emails for much more worthy topics later. I don't know if I will do anything other than simply record my daily life and thoughts in here. It would be nice to occasionally have a meaningful and thoughtful entry, but knowing myself that won't happen.
I have this incredible urge to write something along of "Hi, my name is ******** and I'm a transsexual." The only problem is that I don't know if I am going to go stealth after transition or not, so until I decide, I'm keeping my name as well as others I know out of here entirely. More than likely I will never be completely stealth... I'm proud of the progress that I've made in accepting myself and in learning and understanding more about me and who I want to be in every way. I hate lying.
Quick background, because I'll fill that in later. I am a genetic male in my mid/early twenties. For the past 10 years I've known that something wasn't right with who I was. I was always having dreams about being a woman, and couldn't get the thought out of my mind completely. I'd shove it down for a week or a month, but it would always come back. I've been in therapy for almost 2 years now because I had a breakdown and sat in my closet crying and wouldn't come out to talk with my fiance (now wife.)
For transsexuals, hormones are a big step. While estrogen doesn't have as much effect on male to females (MtF) as testosterone does on female to males (FtM), it is still one of the most important steps that a woman can take. It grows breasts, shifts fat distribution from mainly stomach to the hips and thighs, and several other highly beneficial things. If you really want to know, there are plenty of resources out there but message me and I'll see what I can do about posting some of those I feel are the best.
Last Tuseday I started taking estrogen, 2mg a day of Estradiol orally to be exact. I have been working to this day for a long time, and I can't believe it's actually here. When I walked out of that doctors office with my wife, and entered the elevator to go down the one floor to leave the building I could barely hold still.
Later in the day, after a few more errands, we got the prescription filled, and headed home. I managed to keep the lid on the pill bottle until I got home, at Lissa's instance. When I finally got home I almost took one right that second, but I took the dog out to pee instead and waited till I got upstairs with Melissa to take the first one. It was important to me because she has been with me for most of this fight, and I wanted her to be there when I started this leg of my journey.
The next day I woke up and took another one, and went to the consultation appointment I had scheduled with a laser hair removal technician. The world was bright, more vibrant, more full of hope. I don't think this had anything to do with the hormones per say, so much as excitement and pleasure in things finally turning my way.
More catch up tomorrow. Tonight I'm tired and my wife is asleep next to me, begging to be snuggled. I doubt too many people will read this huge thing anytime soon anyway.
I have this incredible urge to write something along of "Hi, my name is ******** and I'm a transsexual." The only problem is that I don't know if I am going to go stealth after transition or not, so until I decide, I'm keeping my name as well as others I know out of here entirely. More than likely I will never be completely stealth... I'm proud of the progress that I've made in accepting myself and in learning and understanding more about me and who I want to be in every way. I hate lying.
Quick background, because I'll fill that in later. I am a genetic male in my mid/early twenties. For the past 10 years I've known that something wasn't right with who I was. I was always having dreams about being a woman, and couldn't get the thought out of my mind completely. I'd shove it down for a week or a month, but it would always come back. I've been in therapy for almost 2 years now because I had a breakdown and sat in my closet crying and wouldn't come out to talk with my fiance (now wife.)
For transsexuals, hormones are a big step. While estrogen doesn't have as much effect on male to females (MtF) as testosterone does on female to males (FtM), it is still one of the most important steps that a woman can take. It grows breasts, shifts fat distribution from mainly stomach to the hips and thighs, and several other highly beneficial things. If you really want to know, there are plenty of resources out there but message me and I'll see what I can do about posting some of those I feel are the best.
Last Tuseday I started taking estrogen, 2mg a day of Estradiol orally to be exact. I have been working to this day for a long time, and I can't believe it's actually here. When I walked out of that doctors office with my wife, and entered the elevator to go down the one floor to leave the building I could barely hold still.
Later in the day, after a few more errands, we got the prescription filled, and headed home. I managed to keep the lid on the pill bottle until I got home, at Lissa's instance. When I finally got home I almost took one right that second, but I took the dog out to pee instead and waited till I got upstairs with Melissa to take the first one. It was important to me because she has been with me for most of this fight, and I wanted her to be there when I started this leg of my journey.
The next day I woke up and took another one, and went to the consultation appointment I had scheduled with a laser hair removal technician. The world was bright, more vibrant, more full of hope. I don't think this had anything to do with the hormones per say, so much as excitement and pleasure in things finally turning my way.
More catch up tomorrow. Tonight I'm tired and my wife is asleep next to me, begging to be snuggled. I doubt too many people will read this huge thing anytime soon anyway.
