polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-11-06 03:59 pm
Entry tags:

Open letter to Otep Shamaya

Otep, I respect you, your music has given me strength when I was weak and hated myself... but I need you to know what you just did.

You just made me a joke.

You just took my transition, spat on it, ground it into the dirt, and laughed at it.

I'm not your satire. I'm not your polemic device to attack those who think gay people are sick. I'm just as much the target as you... Most of the looks I get are for being a lesbian, not for being a trans woman.

And yet you take me, the daily fight that I go through, the taunts of being called a he/she, shemale, chick with a dick, tranny slut, monster, despised one, mutilator... you just erase me.

because it's just SO MUCH EASIER to be trans right?

Except not. The Transgender day of remembrance is coming up. Did you know that?

Did you know that this last year has been the worst year on record for the murder of transgender people? 95 just for being trans or being thought to be trans. That's 19 a month. Dead.

I risk that every day, and you use me as a rhetorical trick.

And just that. You know why? Because your trick isn't real. Because the ability to marry is based off of your birth certificate in most places, and your birth certificate is in the control of the state where you were born.
Texas? HAH!
Tennessee? Good fucking luck!
California? You'd better live there, because Schwarzenegger vetoed the cost-nothing bill that would have let you change your certificate there.

Beyond that, What of those people like me that got married before transition? Is my marriage still valid? I don't know, and neither does anyone else until it's challenged, and guess what? It'll mean I have to go to court in Tennessee, in Nashville likely, home of the Southern Baptist Association, and their cronies, a state where gay marriage is not recognized because of a constitutional Amendment.

Even then, guess what? You might still not be married.. And guess what? You'll be viewed as even more of a freak. You'll be subject to even more hassle, you'll have to fight your way through a medical establishment that thinks your psycotic, or in the case of trans men, that you just don't exist get away so I can keep drooling over these "Autogynophiliacs".

I support gay marriage as strongly as you, I'm fighting to defend my own as well as everyone else's.... Don't throw me to the wayside like so much trash. HRC already fucks me over, there was nobody there to defend me at the recent ENDA hearing, and yet I stand strong and fight back.

Don't you turn your back on me too... please don't. This post hurts, it reaches it's hand deep inside my chest and rips my heart out. Put it back, please...
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-10-23 10:17 pm
Entry tags:

So, some of you know I want to do a webcomic...

Finished my first full image in a long while. Sorta proud of it too (except for the shitty cross hatching... beg forgive on that).

Thought I'd post it up :)

Comments and serious criticism always welcome.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-10-14 01:15 pm
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Gee, I wonder why I've never watched Nip Tuck?

Oh. Wait I know why
Behind cut for NSFW and potential trigger. )

I don't care if there is some attempt at a redeeming message in the show. I don't care if it is criticizing the culture it is portraying. This image is wrong and hurtful, especially as it is presented not as a critique, but as a draw from the front page of youtube.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-08-26 12:48 pm
Entry tags:

Bob Corker Town hall (8/26)

I'll try to have a full writeup later tonight about it, but I went to the corker town hall in the 'boro today.. It was an interesting experience, and I'm glad I got to speak.

Quick highlights (from others):

  • "I want you to take back to dc that we don't want no O-Bam-ah style socialism here in Tennessee."

  • "Sometimes you just gotta make it Us and Them!"

  • This Cap and Trade is Slavery and economic suicide!"

polerin: My shadow on a wall (Shadow portrait)
2009-08-24 09:00 pm

Aaron Fotheringham

This is awesome. I'm not exactly the best informed on issues of abilism, but it's awesome to see someone challenging the concept of wheelchairs as a constraint in such a dramatic way.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Shadow portrait)
2009-08-24 07:21 pm
Entry tags:

Tracy Chapman

Tangent from Renee's excellent post.

I can't stand when people badmouth Tracy's appearance or singing. She is literally THE guiding voice of my life, and I grew up wishing I could be as intelligent, thoughtful, caring, and beautiful as she is. I've found myself and no longer wish to be her, but my admiration has only increased.

When I fell asleep, I fell asleep singing "Behind the Wall", promising myself I'd never treat the person I loved like that.

When I dreamed of my future, I considered "Mountains O'Things" and knew that the pressure and the need that it spoke of was fundamental to our world.

When I helped my dad teach TKD to kids who wouldn't have a chance to learn otherwise, I remembered "Bang Bang Bang" and I feared that I'd learn one day that one of our students had been lost to violence.

When I first turned to politics Tracy asked, "Why?"

When I buried my face in my pillow so my parents wouldn't hear my crying, "She's Got Her Ticket" told me of a girl who went her own way.

When I tried to understand the self-enforced segregation of my school, I heard "Across the Lines" and looked inwards.

When I heard about Seattle, learned about globalization and started to put pieces of the puzzle together the words of "Talking about a revolution" brought me strength and focused me.

When I realized my parents didn't really like who I was going out with, "For my lover" was my theme song.

When I despaired because of America's reaction to September 11th, "New Beginning" gave me hope that we would get another chance together.

When we got married, Lissa came to meet me to "The Promise".

When Lissa came to me with tears running down her cheeks and told me she just couldn't take my transition, I cried with her, and with "Baby Can I Hold You".

When she came back to me with tears in her eyes again, told me she was going to stay I knew "Heaven's here on Earth".

When I read about Caylee Dymond I remembered "Across the Lines", and tried not to cry.

When I wake up in the morning, the spirit of her words walks beside me, guiding me towards hope, understanding, and love... asking me to realize the humanity and worth of each person I interact with in the day.

When you add the fact that many people make comments that are transphobic or heavily reliant on racist and sexist ideas of "what a woman should look like/sound/act"..... Lets just say I just don't read youtube comments about her.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-08-17 07:50 pm
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From my own perspective.

One of the more interesting and telling comments I've read about race and fiction writing was, "Why do white people never write about race from their own perspective."

I think I figured out part of MY reason. Other than being a shitty writer who hasn't finished a single story that is.

I don't feel hopeful for real change on race issues any time soon.

Accepting that, perhaps I can go on to talk about things that happened to me as a kid, and how they affect my view of the world, what being white in a predominantly white culture really means. So much of that is subconscious though... it's the construction of the white experience as "normal" and everything else as "weird". Even though I do my best to question and understand what I and the people around me do, it's still just... my life.

How do you explore the air you breath?
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-08-17 07:34 pm

Troy davis gets another hearing

(Washington, D.C.) – Amnesty International USA (AIUSA) today welcomed a U.S. Supreme Court order mandating a new evidentiary hearing for death-row inmate Troy Anthony Davis. In today's ruling, the nation's highest court decided that Davis should have another chance to prove his innocence before the state of Georgia puts him to death.


Good stuff.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-08-17 01:49 pm
Entry tags:

Well isn't that some shit

I don't generally post on Sex Worker rights here, simply because it's something I'm really just in the opening stages of learning about, but quotes out of context and guilt by association always pisses me off. Please give a read, and help call this shit out.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-08-17 01:38 pm
Entry tags:

So I saw district 9

I don't know if I'm going to spend much time really digging into why I was troubled by District 9, but I think a good part of it was just blind hope that this movie would be different, wouldn't make the same stupid mistakes that every other Hollywood movie does.

I was wrong. Yes, the aliens were a metaphor for apartheid, yes the movie tries to say "oooh it's bad to treat thinking beings badly!"

Couple quick things, possible spoilers be warned. )

This doesn't even get into the gaping plot holes and disbelief shattering facets. Don't get me wrong, the special effects are awesome, and I forgot halfway through that the aliens were completely cgi. I don't generally do that.

I think that D-9 is just another decent sci-fi flick that shares many of the deep flaws that have been discussed at length in the racefail and other blowups. I was hoping that it might be slightly better. Silly me.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-08-13 01:18 pm

SiL is moving out

Epic glee.
Life returns to me on Saturday.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-06-19 04:35 pm
Entry tags:

This is why it's not funny to out a trans person, this is why I fight.

It appears that this is thankfully a hoax. While it is horrible that someone would create such a horrible story, for whatever reason it was created, It is even worse that the conditions exist for it to be believed. I leave this post up to show that I do jump the gun sometimes. Ok, a whole bunch. :P

She rode her bike to go to the store. She never came home. They found her bike in a dumpster. Late that evening they found her. She had been assaulted with a sledge hammer, they think, judging from the bruises all over her body. Her knee caps had been broken. She had been gang raped. They buried her alive.

'Roo' presente.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-06-14 09:57 pm
Entry tags:

It's about time for a Meme

But like all things viral, there are occasional mutations.

So, I'm presenting a mutated version of this meme.

The problem with Live Journal is that we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So tell me something about yourself that I probably don't know, and ask me something about myself that you are curious about. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don’t know about you.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-05-28 07:15 pm

More LJ advert fail, I'm about done here.

Leading to the most biased piece of propaganda disguised as a poll I have ever seen. This is designed from the lead in image to the order of the questions and the order of the answers to try and sway peoples views about gay marriage.

Full text of the poll behind the cut )

I'm glad I'm not going to be on LJ much longer. This is bonkers.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-05-24 01:44 am

Robert Stanley McCargar

One of the costs of being trans is that you sometimes loose those you love, or at least loose time with them. The only person in my world who doesn't know I transitioned is my grandfather, one of the men I respect the most in the world. One of the people with which I've had the least communication over the past two years.

I got my dry sense of humor from him, my love of backgammon, of stories. He was the grandparent that I was the closest too of all of them, and I found out today his doctors think he had a mini-stroke. He's still alive, but he wasn't doing too well even before this event. It's not going to be much longer even if he recovers directly from it.

Prior to this I've stayed away from him, as much as it hurts, because I thought that was the wishes of my family... not to add this stress to his life. I don't think he'd have that much of an issue with it.. he was an amazingly progressive person for his age. My dad told me today that he thinks that my granddad would want to see me before he goes regardless of any of it, but I don't have the money or time to do it because of a fucked up confluence of events.

I don't mean to blame my lack of writing or calling on my being trans. It's not just that, I suck pretty badly at communicating with people in long form, and because he's not exactly on instant message, that's the really only way of of talking with him unless I go up there.

I just miss my granddad. I miss the way he looks at you over his glasses with that too serious to be serious look, to tell you something. I miss his stories, even if I've heard some of them before. I miss the fact that you always look to the root causes, tried to understand the whys and the hows, not just the what's. I miss his absurd snow white handlebar mustache, and the wry grin that goes under it.

I'm sure you can tell there's no particular point to this entry, I just thought the world should know about the first liberal in my family. May I be as brave as he, may I seek out the voices of others as much as he, and may he live for many more years, long enough for me to see him again.

I know you miss Grandma something fierce, but we still love you and need you here.

polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-05-23 12:51 pm
Entry tags:

Open Thread - So where do we go from here.

Please watch :

As a starting point, a quote from a discussion on irc..
[rhia] A nation of law cannot turn it's back and walk away from such grievous abuse of the law, from the highest positions possible in the land, and still maintain itself as, in fact, a nation of law.


Regardless of if you are in support of prosecution or not, why do you feel that way, who should be subject, and how likely do you think it's actually happening is going to be?
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-05-20 02:13 pm
Entry tags:

Hell yes, Tell it like it is

Huge thanks to Questioning Transphobia.

For any of you who don't know what this is, please take a second to listen then take a look at some of the blogs out there about the DSM in relation to transsexualism. For feminists, try this one. If nothing else though, PLEASE understand that the manner in which trans* diagnosis's are included in the DSM will affect the legal and cultural status of trans people for decades. This document is used as the basis for any number of laws and rulings, and people will point to it and tell me I'm sick.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (Default)
2009-05-14 12:38 am

Race baiting

The term "race baiter" as a way to describe someone who is calling out something offensive bugs me. Its use implies that someone who speaks up is using the color of their skin or their ethnicity as bait to lure in the poor unsuspecting white person so they can pounce. As if there is some prize for speaking up. You know, catch your 100th white person and you level up your angry stats! I hear if you get to level 20 you get the gauntlets of Whitey squashing!

No. 90% of the time you are ignored, or called oversensitive, yelled at, or mobbed. I've experienced it when talking about GLBT issues, and most significantly trans issues. I've been a secondary target in multiple places when talking about racism, and it's only worse when your actually in the under-privileged group in question.

Am I queer baiting if I call out someone for using homophobic language, objecting to the use of the word fag or gay in a pejorative manner?
How about class baiting?

Then why race baiting?

The idea that people are spending there entire lives just looking for the next bit of racism they can pounce on, is absurd. I don't live my life looking for homophobia or transphobia. I don't have too. It makes itself VERY evident. Racism is the same way. If you don't call it out, you sit and suffer in silence behind a mask. If you just can't take it any more you are labeled a trouble maker with a big mouth. What a prize. Yay.
polerin: My shadow on a wall (shadow portrait)
2009-05-12 07:09 pm

new phone

So, I'm pretty sure that all productivity or attention that I might have had is now gone forever. I have IRC on my phone now, and can post here from it as well. I doubt very highly that I'll use to do anything substantial, but who knows.